Richard Lowe Jr
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Computer Jokes



Programmer "one liners"

  • 'Hello World!' 17 errors, 31 warnings
  • It compiled? The first screen came up? Ship it! (Bill Gates)
  • 1024x768x256 Sounds like one mean woman
  • 2B OR NOT 2B = FF
  • A bad day: 'Transfer completed (5720468 bytes, 1 CPS)'
  • Apathy Error: Don't bother striking any key.
  • Bad or Missing Sysop. Free files in all areas.
  • Best 3D game? DOOK. I mean DUME.
  • Canadian DOS: 'Yer sure, eh? [Y,n]'
  • CAUTION! Do not look into laser with remaining eye.
  • Coming soon: Doom III - What The Hell?
  • Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C: COMPLETE mean?
  • Earth is shutting down in five minutes - please save all files and log out
  • Error 109: Error 108
  • ERROR! Windows found! Formatting Drive C:!
  • Ever noticed how fast Windows run? Me neither
  • Evolution is God's way of issuing upgrades
  • File not found. Nobody leave the room!
  • Have a nice day - unless you've made other plans
  • Honey, I Formatted The Kid!
  • I t#ld yo#, 'Never#touch #he flop#y disk s#rface!'
  • I wish life had a scroll-back buffer
  • Insert disk 5 of 4 and press any key to continue
  • Insert Mouse into drive A: and press any key
  • JESUS SAVES; the rest of us better make backups.
  • Life's too short to use a slow modem
  • LSD: The ULTIMATE in Virtual Reality
  • Error: Floppy not responding. Format drive C: instead [Y/N]?
  • MafiaDOS: 'Thisa you lasta chance [Y/N]'?
  • Moderator not found. Begin flame war [Y,n]?
  • MOUSE.DRV not found, use RAT.DRV instead?
  • On a hacker's tombstone: CONNECT 1964 - NO CARRIER 1994
  • Only XT users know that January 1, 1980 was a Tuesday.
  • Out of paper on drive D:
  • Press ESC to enter or Enter to escape
  • Real_men_don't_need_spacebars.
  • REALITY.SYS corrupted. Reboot UNIVERSE [Y,n] ?
  • Southern DOS: Y'all Reckon? (Yep/Nope)
  • The Earth is 98% full. Please delete anyone you can.
  • The Ultimate Virus: A self installing copy of 'Win95'.
  • The world is coming to an end-please log off.
  • There is a bomb on the premises. Please PANIC immediately.
  • This copy of planet Earth has been unregistered for 4 billion years
  • Track 0 bad?? Don't worry, there's lots of others
  • Troubleshooting Shortcut #1: Shoot the trouble!
  • Unknown Error on Unknown Device for Unexplainable Reason
  • User Failure: Please Insert a Bootable Brain.
  • Welcome to Hell! Here's your copy of WINDOWS
  • Will Write Login Scripts For Food
  • Windows 6345634.45a: please insert disk 95 of 5645
  • Windows 8783837773.2c! We finally got it right. (Bill Gates)
  • Windows: the $89 solution to your excess speed problem
  • WindowsError:010 Reserved for future mistakes
  • WindowsError:042 This virus requires Microsoft Windows.
  • Your brain doesn't have enough memory, please make a boot disk
  • Machines should work. People should think.

[All jokes are believed to be in the public domain. If you feel one of these belongs to you, please let us know the details and we will either remove the material or provide a link at your request.]

Unless otherwise noted, all photos and text is Copyright © Richard G Lowe, Jr.