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Computer Jokes



High Tech Jargon

NEW  Different color from previous design
ALL NEW  Parts not interchangeable with previous design
EXCLUSIVE  Imported product
UNMATCHED  Almost as good as the competition
DESIGNED SIMPLICITY  Manufacturer's cost cut to the bone
FOOLPROOF OPERATION  No provision for adjustments
ADVANCED DESIGN  The advertising agency doesn't understand it
IT'S HERE AT LAST! Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming
FIELD-TESTED  Manufacturer lacks test equipment
HIGH ACCURACY  Unit on which all parts fit
DIRECT SALES ONLY  Factory had big argument with distributor
YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT  We finally got one that works
REVOLUTIONARY  It's different from our competitors
BREAKTHROUGH  We finally figured out a way to sell it
FUTURISTIC  No other reason why it looks the way it does
DISTINCTIVE  A different shape and color than the others
MAINTENANCE-FREE  Impossible to fix
RE-DESIGNED  Previous faults corrected, we hope...
HAND-CRAFTED  Assembly machines operated without gloves 
PERFORMANCE PROVEN  Will operate through the warranty period
MEETS ALL STANDARDS  Ours, not yours
ALL SOLID-STATE  Heavy as Hell!
BROADCAST QUALITY  Gives a picture and produces noise
HIGH RELIABILITY  We made it work long enough to ship it
SMPTE BUS COMPATIBLE  When completed, will be shipped by Greyhound
NEW GENERATION  Old design failed, maybe this one will work
MIL-SPEC COMPONENTS  We got a good deal at a government auction
You can return it from most airports
UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE  Nothing we ever had before worked THIS way
We finally got it to fit together
SATISFACTION GUARANTEED  Manufacturer's, upon cashing your check
MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED  Does things we can't explain
AEROSPACE TECHNOLOGY  One of our techs was laid off by Boeing

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Unless otherwise noted, all photos and text is Copyright © Richard G Lowe, Jr.