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Bill's
Punch Line
Tech Support: What does the screen say now?
Person: It says "Hit ENTER when ready".
Tech Support: Well?
Person: How do I know when it's ready?
When Seymour Cray was told that Apple had just purchased a
Cray computer that would be used in designing the next Macintosh, he thought
for a minute, and replied that that seemed reasonable, since he was using a
Macintosh to design the next Cray.
A computer company I work for placed an order for computer
mice from Japan. After the normal delivery period had elapsed, we contacted
the airport to enquire what had happened to the consignment. The official in
charge said that it was nowhere to be found and should be reported as
missing. Some time later the official contacted us to say that the package
had been found. When we asked where it had been, he replied sheepishly,
"In quarantine."
A Microsoft support man goes to a firing range. He shoots 10
bullets at the target 50m away. Then the supervisors check the target and
see that there's not even a single hit, and they shout to him that he missed
completely. So he tells them to recheck, and gets the same answer. Then he
put his finger at the top of the gun and shoots, blasting off his finger.
When he saw it he shouted back "I don't know, it's working perfectly
here, the problem must yours..."
Every program has at least one bug and can be shortened by
at least one instruction -- from which, by induction, one can deduce that
every program can be reduced to one instruction which doesn't work.
PROGRAM (pro'-gram)
[n] A magic spell cast over a computer allowing it to turn
one's input into error messages.
[vi] To engage in a pastime similar to banging one's head against a wall,
but with fewer opportunities for reward.
A programmer had been missing from work for over a week when
finally someone noticed and called the cops.
They went round to his flat and broke the door down. They
found him dead in the still running shower with an empty bottle of shampoo
next to his body. Apparently he'd been washing his hair.
The instructions on the bottle said:
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Wet hair
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Apply shampoo
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Wait 2 minutes
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Rinse
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Repeat
[All jokes are believed to be in the public domain. If you feel one of these belongs to you, please let us know the details
and we will either remove the material or provide a link at your request.]
Background by
Claudia's Collection
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