Four of the biggest films of 1996 --
Twister,
Eraser,
Mission Impossible and
Independence
Day -- have one thing in common besides box-office success: in each
film, portable computers played a prominent role. We decided to put the
portable computers in these films to the test and answer once and for all
the question, "Hey, if I happen to find myself in a big-budget
Hollywood movie, which portable computer will give me the best
performance?
ERASER Eraser also featured a portable computer. Unfortunately, I do
not know which portable computer it was. Neither does anyone at Warner
Brothers, including Steve in Product Placement, who informed me, "I'm
sorry, this office cannot comment on that."
It really doesn't matter, though, because the Unknown Laptop is a real
disappointment. About all that can be said in its favor is that it didn't
blow up. Admittedly, that's an accomplishment. After all, practically
everything else in the movie exploded, sometimes more than once. If you do
find yourself in a flick with lots of exploding buildings and houses, you
might want to find out what computer this one is. Just don't ask Steve in
Product Placement, because he can't comment.
Where the Unknown Laptop comes up really short is in performance. For
example, early in the film Vanessa William's character copies important
files onto a CD-ROM(!). When she arrives home and attempts to open the
files with her laptop, she finds that the CD-ROM will not run, thus making
the computer completely useless for the film. Because of this defect,
Williams and Arnold Schwarzenegger must break into CIA headquarters and
open the classified files from within the high-security building.
Admittedly, this may be more of a software problem than a hardware
problem. Microsoft is now working on a plug-in for Windows 95 that will
allow users to open classified documents stolen from the CIA, but the
original release date was set for November 1995. After countless delays,
Microsoft now refuses to set a new date for the release. The truth is that
it might be several years before an operating system is available that
will reliably open classified documents stolen from the CIA.
Furthermore, Herbert Naylor, an imaginary spokesman for Microsoft,
claims that this defect is really not a problem. "The movie," he
rightly says, "was starting to drag at that point, and if not for the
computer failing, the screenwriters might never have come up with a reason
for the characters to break into the CIA." This is a salient point,
and one the serious computer user must consider. Among the computers
reviewed here, the Unknown Laptop was clearly the best at moving the plot
along.
By Joe Lavin
