My computer crashed and died today 
And I thought, "oh well what the hey" 
Now I'd have time to clean my house 
And see if I still had a spouse

It started out with weird frustrations 
Combined with mild heart palpitations 
And then my ankles began to swell 
Withdrawal symptoms from no AOL

Chills ran up and down my spine 
Oh, God I had to get on-line 
To greet my buds and check my mail 
I began to feel helpless and frail

Then I remembered the Good Guy's Store 
And all those computers by the door 
I'd go there and when alone 
With no one looking I'd sign-on

I stepped up to a computer, clicked on AOL 
The Sign-On screen came up, man it sure looked swell 
I clicked on the Guest name, then came the modem sound
I was having cold-sweats, as my heart began to pound

Then I typed my password, and the computer said, "Goodbye" 
And that's what I kept hearing each time that I would try. 
This was just an evil plot, the store was playing tricks 
If only they had known how bad I need my AOL fix

I ...slowly... typed... my... password... then...I... stood....and...waited 
The darned thing said , "Goodbye" again and I got real frustrated 
That's when I shoved the keyboard thru the monitor screen 
And the last thing I remember is my loud shrieking scream

When I woke I was handcuffed being booked 
I think I asked the data entry cop, if he'd get me a drink 
Now I'm sitting in his chair, and I know I can get well 
If I can just use his computer to sign on AOL.

Unless otherwise noted, all photos and text is Copyright © Richard G Lowe, Jr.