Microsoft Corporation has just announced a new PC keyboard
designed specifically for Windows. {Sources say a Macintosh variant is in
the works.} In addition to the keys found on the standard keyboard,
Microsoft's new design adds several new keys which will make your Windows
computing even more fun! The final specs are not yet set, so please feel
free to make suggestions. The keys proposed so far are:
* GPF key - This key will instantly generate a General
Protection Fault when pressed. Microsoft representatives state that the
purpose of the GPF key is to save Windows users time by eliminating the need
to run an application in order to produce a General Protection Fault.
* $$ key - When this key is pressed, money is transferred
automatically from your bank account to Microsoft without the need for
further action or third party intervention.
* ZD key - This key was developed specifically for reviewers
of Microsoft products. When pressed it inserts random superlative adjectives
in any text which contains the words Microsoft or Windows within the file
being edited.
* MS key - This key runs a Microsoft commercial entitled
"Computing for Mindless Drones" in a 1" x 1" window.
* FUD key - Some thing to do with the display ... self
explanatory.
* Chicago key - Generates do nothing loops for months at a
time.
* IBM key - Searches your hard disk for operating systems or
applications by vendors other than Microsoft and deletes them. (Is very
effective at removing Netscape).
* MSN key - With a single keystroke you will install and
setup the world's second slowest web access (AOL takes first place). And you
thought it was tough deleting all of the SetupMSN files from Win 95!
* RW95 key - Stands for Re-install Windows 95. Because it's
usually a weekly ritual for most Win 95 users, why not make it easier?
* FDISK key - Microsoft's new compression utility gives you
100% data compression guaranteed. Could stand for Format Disk, but we all
know what it really stands for.
