Richard Lowe Jr
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Computer Jokes



List of Uses for America On-Line's Free Diskettes

  1. Many years ago people used to build interesting structures out of Popsicle sticks and glue. Try it with diskettes!
  2. Sharpen the edges 'til they're razor sharp. You've just made a Ninja Throwing Disk. Throw them at door-to-door salesmen and Jehovah's Witnesses when they come a-callin'.
  3. Save them so you can show them to your grandchildren. "Kids, these are the last of their kind. I am the guardian of these disks. I have been appointed to see this evil never happens again."
  4. Martha Stewart retiles her pool with them!
  5. Format them and use them yourself. Write a letter to AOL thanking them for the disks, and then have all of your friends sign, "Me Too!" at the bottom of the letter!
  6. I like when AOL sends me floppies (I get about 6 a year from them). Over half of my floppy archives are stored on AOL disks. Last time they sent a CD, me and a couple friends played Frisbee with it in a parking garage at 2 am until it shattered, and then we stamped on it until it was a pile of unrecognizable shredded plastic...
  7. Through some in the fire when you decide to have a BBQ. It puts on a new emphasis for "brain food". Of course, knowing AOL, your mind might be damaged as a result...
  8. One word - "Recycle". Just like tin can's and other recyclable objects, disks can and probably are recycled. You'll make a fortune! (Very similar to the post done by the other person. I credit her for thinking of that really kewl idea.)
  9. Like the famous designer did with her American Express Cards©, create your own designs of "AOL" or "CD fiber"-ware. Hey, who knows? Maybe they'll display it out somewhere...
  10. Collect enough AOL disks, wipe their memory and try reselling it back to AOL. Give them a discount price they can't beat. Then repeat the process. Soon, you'll have enough money to drive the company bankrupt!

    Use the CD disks as solar panels. Or better yet, if you have a particularly hated neighbor, sit on a high ground and aim the light of the CD on the eyes... sorta like a compact laser.

  11. Using the idea posted by the other person (sorry, I don't have the name down but give her credit), sharpen up the Ninja CD disks and smuggle them into the PBS station were they're filming, "B'harnee and Fiends". Sneak past the camera man and proceed to kill with the device. For better recognition, have the "hit" done while filming...
  12. If the Hubble telescope ever goes down again, attempt to give NASA your, "secret" material that you have developed that enhances sights (i.e. your CDs).
  13. Play, "Jinga".
  14. Put on a spy getup and play the old "cloak and dagger" thing. Sell your AOL disks (with the labels ripped off) to enemy foriegn countries as, "secret FBI" codes (though if you pull this off, get ready to turn to the FBI as the spies from that country will be liable to hunt you down once they know what it is).
  15. Collect them until winter and use them as substitute log's.
  16. Everytime the computer crashes, ruin a disk by smashing it with a hammer or some other creative destructive means. It's a great way to take out your anger and frustration against your computer.
  17. They make great coasters for all those Coke and Jolt cans that leave those nasty rings on your desk. Collect the full set! (AOL for Windows, AOL for DOS, AOL for Macintosh, etc.)
  18. They're really fun to toss in the dryer (the more the merrier) as a practical joke on someone who wants to do their laundry late at night when everyone else likes to sleep - the noise is sure to raise the dead :)
  19. They make great pucks for those midnight games of hockey in the computer lab hallway. They also can be improvised and used as really unpredictable baseballs (who knows where it'll go when you hit it?). And, yes, I've actually done both of these.
  20. The CDs make good etching material when scratched with a sharpened metal rod. Just ink up the CD and run it through the press.
  21. If you're reeeeaallllyyyy ambitious and a serious collector of the disks. Use them for pogs and use a brick for a slammer - impress your friends at your dexterity and total disregard for good disks! :)
  22. Toss them at your cat when he/she expectorates (upchucks) a fur ball on your carpet. Or use the CDs as wall paper in your office,... they make nice mirrors in the rest room if your employer is too cheap to put one in there...
  23. Mini cutting board (great for the office of the car, use metal door for a knife).
  24. Attach it to a ruler and presto -- you've got a fly swatter!
  25. Construct a life-sized replica of Stonehenge!
  26. At a restaurant, shove one under a wobbling table leg.
  27. Money clip (use the metal door and discard the plastic case). Thanks to Bill Gates, I hear the, "rich nerd" look is IN this year.
  28. Eye patch (for one-eyed software pirates).
  29. Christmas ornaments (the more, the merrier).
  30. Give them to young children to use as building blocks.
  31. Glue them to the bottom of the space shuttle and use them as re-entry burn tiles.
  32. Dentures (melt & form them into new teeth for grandma).
  33. Room dividers for hamsters.
  34. Drink coasters.
  35. Use multiple disks to create an ideal door stopper.
  36. Ice scraper.
  37. Bathroom tile.
  38. Bookmark.
  39. Mini-Frisbee.
  40. Air hockey puck.
  41. Dog chew toy.
  42. Dart board.
  43. Pooper scooper.
  44. Grill scraper.
  45. Use them for karate board-breaking demonstrations (save a tree).
  46. Wrist slicer - after receiving your first AOL bill (use metal door).
  47. Conversation piece for coffee table.
  48. Destroy them - smash, burn, or run over to relieve stress.
  49. Light switch cover.
  50. Chinese throwing stars (tape two of them together).
  51. Clay pigeons for target practice.
  52. Greeting card (bind two together at one end).
  53. Halloween treat (give them away all night long).
  54. Bullet proof vest (arrange together in triple thickness).
  55. Firewood.
  56. Bird house.
  57. Paperweights.
  58. Pen holders (make a box without a top).
  59. Post it-notes holder.
  60. Refrigerator magnet (glue a magnet to the back).
  61. A very sturdy base for putting the motorcycle sidestand on when parking on soft surfaces.
  62. Keep 'em in the trunk for extra traction in the snow.
  63. Solar Eclipse Glasses (open door and look through disk at the sun/moon - actually works).
  64. Placing one in each back pocket helps children who get paddled by the coach. This spreads the force to a wider area.
  65. Make an AOL disk & pasta casserole.
  66. Incense burners (put stick in hole of disk hub and light the incense.
  67. Bug Shield (glue a bunch to the front of your car's hood).
  68. Put them on car windshields at the mall (along with this list).
  69. Melt the plastic of the disks into a giant sculpture.
  70. Hand them out as party favors.
  71. Hidden/spare key holder (crack open 1 side, insert key and then place near door. Completely safe...who would want an AOL disk?)
  72. Vertical blinds.
  73. Be an AOL diskette surgeon and dissect a diskette.
  74. Bench press weights (I can press 120).
  75. Grind 'em up and refertilize the front lawn.
  76. The new "Domino's stuffed-crust pizza" filling.
  77. Tell the kids to leave warm milk & AOL disks for Santa.
  78. Brake shoes.
  79. House insulation.
  80. Recycle them for the scrap metal.
  81. Kitchen tile for Bill Gates' new mansion in Seatle (walk all over the competition).
  82. Hockey Puck.
  83. Add water and special plant life to make a Chia-Disk.
  84. Noise maker for your bike spokes (why damage your valuable baseball cards).
  85. Put one on a leash and drag it along as you walk...makes the perfect pet.
  86. Poker chips.
  87. Baseball practice (throw them up in the air and hit them with the bat).
  88. Keychain (Put a key ring through one of the write protect holes and you've got a snappy executive bathroom keychain for the office).
  89. Mail to 10 friends-start an AOL chain-letter (add a disk with each link).
  90. Earmuffs (glue some fur on one side, then attach a U-shaped piece of bent coat hanger to both disks).
  91. Grind them up to make fake snow.
  92. Earrings (put loop into write-protect hole).
  93. Dental floss (use actual disk).
  94. Use them for zipper pulls (instead of ski lift tickets).
  95. When your collection of disks reaches 52, use them for a deck of cards.
  96. Use them to fill potholes.
  97. Hood ornament.
  98. Snow blower replacement blades.
  99. Put them in your shirt pocket to make you look smart.
  100. Make two stacks of 10 and use them as heels for platform shoes.
  101. Rubic's cube case (make into box).
  102. Shipping material (keeps your photos from being bent in the mail).
  103. Protect your table from burns caused by hot pots and pans.
  104. Snack trays (great for holding hors d'oeuvres at parties).
  105. Give them as stocking stuffers to all those people who piss you off.
  106. Fly paper (use actual disk and put string through middle, hang 2" apart and apply honey to disks).<P.
  107. Pocket protector (gee Gilbert I really like your new pocket protector - thanks Lewis).
  108. They make a *dandy* addition to a #$*+&% neighbor's back yard. Better yet, get them to actually install it on their computer.
  109. Use them as elbow and knee pads.
  110. Wax scraper for snowboards.
  111. Use them to decorate your aquarium and create Computer City under water.
  112. Tape a few together and use them as a mouse pad.
  113. Collect a large mass and detonate a supernova.
  114. A wind clacker (similar to a wind chime).
  115. Soap dish (remove metal to prevent rusting).
  116. Row markers for your vegetable garden. (carrots, beans, peas....)
  117. Makes the perfect dance floor for your ant colony.
  118. Bread roller (use actual disks and put rod through center-use about 100).
  119. Hot glue gun resting/protecting pad.
  120. Baby mobile.
  121. Fence (may need a few thousand).
  122. Toe tags for mortuaries. Great for identifying dead computer nerds.
  123. Wonderbra inserts for that Madonna-techno look.

[All jokes are believed to be in the public domain. If you feel one of these belongs to you, please let us know the details and we will either remove the material or provide a link at your request.]

Unless otherwise noted, all photos and text is Copyright © Richard G Lowe, Jr.